I’ve been busy back at work over the last week now that the kids are finally back and school and well (whoop whoop) . There’s a real recurring theme with my clients around failure – and a sense of failure when we haven’t achieved perceived perfection. We give ourselves such a hard time around failure. Often, feeling that we’re not good enough if we haven’t birthed in a specific way or if we aren’t managing to hold life together. It’s something I’m also reflecting on myself as a mum. This uncomfortable feeling that we’re not doing well enough, that we’re not good enough, that we should be doing a lot better, that we should be managing better. Again this feeling that motherhood is an exam we need to pass.
There’s an unspoken belief that we have to be perfect at everything we do – whether that’s mothering, work, fitness, birth, relationships (partners, friends, sisters, daughters), volunteering, eco-warriors, political activists (anyone else obsessed by this week’s political shenanigans?) and more… There are so many tests to pass and balls to juggle. And then we feel that we’ve failed when we haven’t achieved perfection at EVERYTHING.
I want us to start having new beliefs and specifically being much more compassionate to ourselves and understanding that we aren’t failing. We are absolutely doing our best. Everyone I have worked with this week and in the last few years has absolutely 110% done their best. We all do. We must stop giving ourselves a hard time and accepting that we are doing our best. That we’re not failing these things on purpose and that NOBODY is perfect. It’s okay sometimes to not be perfect.
I’m so keen we move away from that dialogue and say to ourselves “Okay, I didn’t handle that the best way possible, but actually I accept myself for that because I’m dealing with quite a lot at the moment and I’m doing fairly well”.
It’s the same with giving birth – everyone that I know who feels that they failed the birth exam, and I count myself at times within that, will have absolutely done their best and put their body through a lot to give birth in the best way that they could. Sometimes, it doesn’t matter how much birth preparation you do… it’s the way that it is… and maybe sometimes it’s about being grateful that your body coped with everything it went through… whatever that was for you.
Finally, I said this before and I’ll say it again… would you ever speak to somebody else the way that you speak to yourself? Listen to the inner dialogue – would you think it was ok to speak to your friend like that? I know what the answer will be.
If you’re interested in supporting your wellbeing as a mum, then join our Overcome the Overload community which is reopening again in September. If you would like more information about that then do feel free to get in touch and I’m really happy to help you. Alternatively, you may be interested in some one to one parent coaching or EFT support. In the meantime, you can get access to these videos which will help you to feel calmer within 5 minutes by clicking here. If you’ve had a difficult birth and would like to not feel like a failure… click here.
Much love, Tricia xxx