I’ve been reflecting the last few weeks about how challenging mothering is at times and it’s something that feels like such a taboo to talk about. There’s no other role that I know of in the world where we are pushed to our limits as much as being mums. It’s the spectrum of emotions we feel at times as mums but also the velocity that we move through those emotions. We oscillate from huge highs to huge lows in a matter of minutes. This is something I’m aware of personally but also from all the clients and women I’ve supported over a number of years.
Recently I’ve had my fourth child and definitely my last child. I go from waking up with this huge grief and this huge sadness that this is the end of my mothering experience and that I’m not going to breastfeed any more children or be pregnant or give birth or have any of those newborn cuddles with my own children. I go from having this grief and sadness and overwhelming love that I have for my children and for ALL of my children to the other side of the spectrum where I regret the situation I’m in.
That’s a normal reaction and something that we need to talk a lot about more as as mothers.
These feelings are not a reflection on the love that I have for my children – as I know the love that I have for my children is very intense, very real and very strong. It’s a reflection on how much we have to handle so much at the time. Often when I feel like that it’s not to do with those moments where I was enjoyed being with my kids. It’s all the stuff that we have going on around them and it’s all the stuff in such as the chaos in the house, the noise, the monotony of all the things that we have to do. The relentless of life such as cooking meals, washing, keeping house and all sorts of things that I had no idea we were signing up to when we decided we were having children.
My beliefs are strongly because so much of mothering is now done in isolation and so much of child rearing in general in isolation. We aren’t living in solid communities where we are raising children together (what we commonly refer to as the ‘village’) or do we have people around us to support us when we need. And IT’S THAT which makes it so difficult.
When I feel these feelings, it’s not a reflection of my love, but it’s more a reflection of how we are raising our children. And it’s perfectly normal and perfectly valid to have these feelings and emotions around motherhood.
It’s really worth identifying ways that you can get to support you. For me, I do regular DAILY things to help me… these are what I use regularly to help my mental wellbeing:
- a power nap
- I find EFT super helpful
- I love journaling
- I’m obsessed with insight timer – loads of great meditations and yoga nidra which I do almost daily – often more than once a day
I know there’s some days I’m so busy that I can’t even get the space to actually do these or the baby doesn’t sleep meaning I don’t get the actual time. As much as I can, I really focus because it reduces that pendulum and that spectrum of emotions being quite so volatile.
I also seek out as much help and support as I can without feeling guilty about asking. It’s helpful to identify what kind of help and support we can put in place. Each one of our situations is different so we all have different needs but it is worth prioritising this and identifying where we can get help and support in place.
I hope that this is helpful and if you are experiencing these feelings, that you feel less uncomfortable with them and helps you to understand them a bit more. These feelings are a perfectly normal and sane response to the way that we are mothering at this moment in time.
If you’re interested in supporting your wellbeing as a mum, then join our Overcome the Overload community which is reopening again in September. If you would like more information about that then do feel free to get in touch and I’m really happy to help you. Alternatively, you may be interested in some one to one parent coaching or EFT support. In the meantime, you can get access to these videos which will help you to feel calmer by clicking here.
Much love, Tricia xxx