Complex Relationships | Tricia Murray

Complex Relationships


My topic this week in my community group Overcome the Overload, was Complex Relationships.  I wanted to share some insights for the wider community.  I know when we can start coming from a place of compassion, acceptance and peace, we can ALL benefit.

We all have Complex Relationships.

They may be with our parents, our partners, our in-laws, our siblings, our exes, our friends, our colleagues, our children, our neighbours etc.

I know I have them, and I know you have them.

So here’s some ways to help you.

1. We are all complex

Before starting to think it’s always the other person’s fault – acknowledge that we are all complex.  Possibly consider what’s your role been in this complex relationship. Where have you been triggered to react in a specific way with this person?  What’s caused tension in the first place?

2. We are all doing our best

You may not like the way that person has said something or done something or ignored your needs…. but it’s VERY unlikely this person has ever thought… ‘I’m going to be really hurtful to you and make you hate me for the rest of our lives’… it’s very likely that they are being triggered by something, or something that’s happened in their upbringing. We are all working from our subconscious programming that’s been around for a VERY LONG TIME.

If your parent is emotionally unavailable – what happened to them in the past?  If your in-laws don’t treat you the same way they treat their daughter…. is that something in their belief system about mothers/daughters/daughter in laws? If your husband can’t talk to you about money – is that because of his issues about money? If your friend is constantly telling you about how wonderful she is – what is she needing to prove to the world/why is she behaving that way/what has she got to loose from being vulnerable? If your parents divorced and you ended up being an object between them – did they mean that to happen?

Everyone is doing their best.  No one means to be horrible.  Even when they are.  Most people just don’t have it on their agenda to be nasty specifically to you.  Try to have some compassion and acceptance.  I know it’s not easy.  Honestly.

3. Use EFT/Tapping

Here’s some ideas:

  • Just thinking about that person – what feelings or thoughts does it generate?
  • Can you conjure and image of that person? What can you tap on that’s brought up from that image?
  • What events/memories do you have about that person? Tap on each one until you feel some relief… think about the he/she said/did etc [if your memory is a very traumatic one please do not do this on your own – I’m talking here about typical falling outs and minor disagreements etc]
  • Consider future events – how does that make you feel thinking about seeing that person in the future?

There is now a FREE mini course for EFT for Overwhelm which you can use to teach you the BASICS of EFT.

If you’d like to access the specific EFT scripts (and 60+ other scripts) for Complex Relationships and the teaching session I held last Monday, then you can join my community group Overcome the Overload today.

Have a good week,

Much love, Tricia xxx