This week I want to give you strategies to support yourself to increase your self worth (ie. the value your put on your own health and wellbeing). There’s loads of strategies but these are some of the easiest to get you started.
One of the best pieces of advice is starting small. If you have spent your whole life under beliefs that looking after you or prioritising yourself is bad for whatever reason, then it’s likely there will be significant discomfort at putting yourself first and you’ll be very good at looking for excuses as to why the washing pile is more important than you.
Timetable a NON NEGOTIABLE small block of time each day for you. Here’s some ideas (depending on the ages of your kids, if they sleep, nap or are at school, if you work etc) – you don’t need to do all three – but choose a minimum of one.
- Put aside time in the morning to do some breath work, EFT, journaling, meditation (10-15 mins)
- A power nap, yoga Nidra or meditation in the middle of the day (20-40 mins)
- Turning off electronics early and doing something for you in the evening (60 mins)
What is your circle of influence?
How well you are functioning has an impact on everyone around you.
If you’re functioning well or not well – it impacts you, your children, your partner (if relevant), your family, your work, your community, your children’s friendships and environment, possibly your partner’s work, the larger society etc.
It’s the ripple effect.
Often we can think how we feel has impact on everyone else – but let me tell you this. YOU ARE IMPORTANT AND YOU ARE WORTH IT. Start to recognise that the better you feel about yourself, then the better a mum you can be, the better a partner you can be, the better a colleague you can be, the more your children will be able to manage school and nursery.
You have a huge influence. So when the discomfort arrives about why you can’t look after yourself. Have a word. I am important.
Work with the discomfort and inner critic
Often the biggest barrier to us getting better and feeling better is ourselves.
We need to work with the inner critic that’s telling us all the reasons why we can’t or shouldn’t do things and help ease it into comfort by showing it what life could be like if you felt better.
You could try
- Using visualisation – this is what life would look like if I was calmer and rational
- Talking to it – I know this is making you feel uncomfortable but if I’m happier, I’m able to give more to everyone
- Finding what it needs – ask it – what do you need to help you feel easier with this
- Use your OWN knowledge if what the inner critic is saying is rational – often our inner critics are completely irrational
Would you let yourself speak to a friend the same way the inner critic is speaking to you? It can be hard to ignore this as often with the inner critic the more we ignore it the louder it gets but say to it, I’ve heard you and but this is my decision.
Acceptance of yourself
A big focus on my work with clients is curiosity and compassion to yourself. These are key to acceptance – curiosity as to why you behave in the way you that do and compassion to identify what you need. We are the sum of all the things that have happened to us in the past. We can consciously start to create change, but this takes time.
Being able to accept that your behaviour has been that way because of the circumstances around you or because your needs were not met is a really healthy way to start getting to a resolution (rather than using the internal voice to consistently shame you).
Acceptance is a large part of EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). An acceptance that we acted the best we could at the time.
Think about a time when you didn’t react in the way that you wanted or something else like a fear or phobia or an image of yourself.
Change these using this wording:
Even though I didn’t like [THE SITUATION], I accept myself exactly as I am and that I do my best (if you know EFT then use it here!)
Make a date once a week by yourself
Once a week make a date for you yourself to do something that nurtures you. It could be a long lie in bed reading a book, a bath one night a week, a coffee on your own or a walk up the hills.
Plans are better made with specifics so write it down in a journal or on a sheet on paper…..
I WILL…………………………………………………………….…………………………………. EVERY WEEK.
A lot of this is likely to be really uncomfortable for you – and I can hear your excuses as to why you can’t do any of this. And that’s what the difference between someone who is surviving and someone who is thriving. Which one do you want to be?
Join me next week for the next intake of the Thrive Mum Method programme. This will be the final time I offer this programme in 2020.
Much love, Tricia xxx