One of my friends the other day asked me if I felt completely consumed by motherhood.
And the truth is I don’t.
I’ve never been busier. Never had so many kids (I have 4 busy boys). But I don’t feel consumed by motherhood.
Yes, I have occasional sh*tty days, days where I just want to lie curled up in bed, days where the TV is on far too much, days where I snap at my husband, the kids, the cat, and anyone else who so happens to dare speak to me. Probably the same number of days as before I had kids when I was ill, hormonal, tired, consumed by something, etc. And sometimes just when the relentlessness of motherhood gets on top of me. I am human!
Generally – I RARELY feel ‘mothered out’ (which is how I used to describe it).
I have done though. Many years ago, I remember the feeling of going back to work when my youngest at the time was 18 months and my twins were 3 and a half years old. I was just recovering from postnatal depression and anxiety. I decided to return to work which was something I hadn’t been sure of because I was so concerned with organising childcare for 3 kids.
I was so lucky to walk into a fantastic job, with a gorgeous dynamic team, a brilliant boss (thanks Graeme!), and right slap bang in the city centre.
Here’s what I loved about returning to work:
- Mental stimulation
- Lunch break (in a cafe with a book)
- Hot tea
- Toilet breaks, on my own
- The journey to and from work
- It was so easy in comparison to looking after 3 kids
- People and adult conversation (and horrendously drunken nights out with mental banter – all in the name of work!)
- Not having to think about my kids for all those hours
- 7 hours with NO INTERRUPTIONS from small people or cleaning poo off the floor
- Silence (apart from everyone else typing or asking if anyone wanted a refill!)
It was literally like a holiday (in some ways – I did work VERY hard and way out of my comfort zones at times in the ways that I like!).
I decided to leave that job in 2013 to follow my passion which was supporting mums and reducing maternal mental health.
When I had my 4th son two years ago, I didn’t really take a break from work. I didn’t see many clients for the first few months as I was breastfeeding and up most of the night, but I read, I blogged, I wrote up social media posts and kept myself busy serving my community. I kept my brain busy.
I needed to work. For no one else except myself.
Work for me is a bit of self care. I love locking myself away in my room and working.
It lights me up.
I feel whole when I work.
What I do is more than just a job, it’s a passion. I want mums to feel better. I want to educate mums about birth and motherhood as it doesn’t need to be the sh*t show that we are made to believe it is. I want their mental health supported. I want them to give themselves the permission to be well, to be them, to do whatever they want to.
I know the more I follow my passion and my soul is set on fire, the happier I am.
I don’t in any way feel all consumed by motherhood.
Does this make me a bad mum because I thrive following my passion? Because I focus on what I want to do and achieve? Because I choose to work?
The biggest lesson I learned, which is a hard one, is the happier I am, the happier my house is and the more my children thrive.
I’ve got something super exciting to share with you next week. It’s free. It’s tried and tested. It takes 5 minutes a day. It starts in October.
In the meantime, if you’d like to assess how overwhelmed you are and receive some free help – you can do so now here.
Much love, Tricia xxx
