Why do you fall apart when people don't like you? | Tricia Murray

Why do you fall apart when people don’t like you?

Why does it cut to the core when you feel someone doesn’t like you?

What sparks off those social media battles?

Why do you feel uneasy because you’ve potentially upset someone?

Or discomfort because you feel like you are bothering someone?

Often when we feel like that you can:

  • Lie awake worrying about it
  • Do everything you can to resolve it
  • Get your friends involved (and on side)
  • Spend hours analysing it

I want you to know you are not alone.  

This is something that’s coming up a lot with my one to one clients, in the membership and my own “stuff” recently – this fear of upsetting people, people not liking you and not fitting in.

IT IS NORMAL to feel agitated about this and once you understand this it’s a game changer.  

The impact of this is huge.

It’s what drives so much of that feeling of being overloaded.

Once you understand what drives this. You will stop going to extraordinary lengths to please everyone else.  This includes:

  • Learning to say no
  • Not feeling like you need to do things to gain others approvals
  • Being able to ask for help 
  • Improving your boundaries
  • Letting go of that FOMO
  • Reducing the perfectionist in you
  • Allow yourself to be vulnerable 

Here’s a super quick summary…..

There’s a primitive part of the brain that does everything possible to keep you safe. 

This primitive part of you wants you to be accepted by your tribe and community.  This primitive part worries if you are rejected by your tribe and community it may well impact your survival.  This primitive part worries if you’re thrown out of the tribal hut to fend for yourself amongst the sabre toothed tigers and other tribes, you may not well survive.   

The great news is – if you’re not liked by someone –  IT WILL NOT impact your survival so you can STOP going to extraordinary lengths to please everyone else.  YEAH.

That allows you to then increase your capacity to manage life a whole load better.  This is so often at the root of my coaching clients issues and why they are so overwhelmed is because of the fear of others and what they think, feel and say.  

You can retrain your brain to start thinking differently so it gets the message – IT IS SAFE FOR ME TO NOT BE LIKED BY EVERYONE.

Here’s a trick that I do with myself and my clients and it might help you.

1. Imagine your favourite mentor/famous person/celebrity/wise woman
2. Ask yourself does everyone like them?
3. Ask them energetically – what do you think/feel when people don’t like you?
4. Put together a visual demonstrating the evidence for this
… see what comes up.

For info – this is how I use it…
1. Imagine Michelle Obama
2. No all the republicans in America hate her as probably do many other millions of people around the world (sadly – I love her)
3. She tells me… “when they go low… you go high….” 
4. The evidence is Donald Trump and all the republicans and watching how Michelle handles them with grace and dignity – I show this to that primitive part and remind it, I am SAFE. 

If this is something that’s coming up for you and at the root of why you feel so overwhelmed, drop me a message and let’s book a 15 min clarity call.  In this call, I can help you work out how this is impacting you and where you want to get to if you weren’t in fear of not being liked.  

Much love, Tricia xxx