I’m fascinated by the approach to behaviour change.
Often my clients will come to me with some various issues around stress, anxiety, overwhelm and trauma.
It might manifest itself in ways such as anxiety, panic attacks, rage, anger, tears and other big emotions.
There’s often a belief that there’s a quick fix solution such as:
- Breathing
- Tapping/EFT
- Grounding
- Visualisation
- Positive affirmation
- Mindfullness
- Meditation
ALL of these things MAY help in the moment – but they’ll never stop the moments happening in the first place.
The reason why is that your brain is wired to pattern match as a way to save time so you can respond quicker.
What that means is when ‘something happens’… this will be the resulting reaction/behaviour.
Sometimes that can be a good thing – you see someone you love and you feel safe, happy and your body immediately relaxes.
However, sometimes this can be… you feel out of control and before you know it, rage or anxiety has taken over your body and you’re unable to reign it is.
The work I do with my clients is to break that pattern match.
One of the biggest breakthroughs I had with my own EFT therapist many years ago was to break a pattern match.
My ‘Banshee’ first made an appearance when my twins were a few months old.
It’s horrible to even write than but that’s the reality of the situation.
I was a fairly calm, gentle and rational person.
I had DESPERATELY wanted these babies after 4 years of infertility.
I didn’t really know what had come over me.
My Banshee kept coming back, almost daily at times.
I used to wonder what on earth my neighbours thought of me as I’m sure you could have heard me screaming blocks away.
Even now, it still makes me feel uncomfortable that they heard me.
The work I did with my own therapist made me realise that my Banshee arrived when I felt helpless to manage the situation, overwhelmed and fundamentally was in ‘emotional pain’. It wasn’t because I was a ‘bad mum’.
What we did together was break that connection between being that part being in pain and the reaction.
A lot of the work I still do now with that Banshee is to comfort, soothe and look after her at all times so she isn’t pained.
But this takes work.
It’s not an overnight cure. No breathing, meditation or anything else will ever stop that Banshee being activated.
I’ve had to break the pattern AND support my Banshee so she knows I’m looking after her.
This is exactly the same work I do with my clients is help to break that pattern match.
There’s no instant fix if you want to see long term results to change that behaviour.
You can’t change behaviour through sticky plaster such as breathing.
But you can make change.
Much love, Tricia xxx
PS If you’d like help with your ‘Banshee’, get in touch for details about my new programme. Finding Freedom from Maternal Rage is a 3 month in depth programme with a small group of mums (3-6) who all struggle with maternal rage and who want to be calm, patient and compassionate humans who enjoy their life and time with the kids and make their kids feel loved and nurtured.
Get in touch
