A lot of the mums I work with talk about this feeling of rage that you get. This overwhelming feeling of fury that you can’t reign in.
They want to stop this behaviour that they have no control over.
There’s an array of reasons that cause rage as follows:
- Anxiety – when you feel overwhelmed by a situation, rage might be something you use to take control of the situation.
- Trauma – if you’ve experience previous trauma or quite lengthy intense experiences, rage may be your go-to approach in difficult situations.
- Sensory overload – this is particularly relevant if you’re a person who gets very overwhelmed with people, sounds, lights, temperature etc.
- Feeling generally out of control – some of this might be circumstantial. Parenting on your own, twins, children with additional needs, difficult family dynamics etc.
- A sense that life isn’t fair for whatever reason.
There’s one more thing that impacts ALL of these and is universal.
How good are you at looking after yourself?
A few weeks ago I posted a meme on the facebook community talking about revenge bedtime procrastination – a phenomenon in which people who don’t have much control over their daytime life refuse to sleep early in order to regain some sense of freedom during late night hours.
It was a super popular post ever in the facebook community.
Meeting your needs and feeling good are vital to be able to manage life well – parenting or not.
Yet you need to look at what stops you doing this.
What do you prioritise over yourself? Housework, work, other people’s needs, replying to people?
What boundaries do you implement? Phones, social media, messaging, obligations, work, family, other?
What lifestyle choices do you choose? Bedtime, rest, alcohol, nutrition, supplements, exercise?
What regulation tools do you integrate? EFT, breath work, meditation, mindfulness, journaling?
What fulfils you? Meeting friends, work that you enjoy, interests, reading, Schitt’s creek, time with your partner, time on your own?
What drains you? Lack of silence, phone, draining people, housework?
All of the above you can control – you can do something about.
And often when I work with my clients on rage, we focus on giving yourself permission to look after you.
It’s the daily everyday choices, THAT YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER, that can support you to have a calmer, happier and more peaceful home.
Here’s what I want you to reflect and implement – RADICAL self care. That is prioritising yourself, looking after yourself, supporting yourself to the point where you finally have the energy and capacity to support your family and others. .
Much love, Tricia xxx
PS If you’d like help to create a calmer, happier and more peaceful home, get in touch for details about my new programme. Finding Freedom from Maternal Rage is a 3 month in depth programme with a small group of mums (3-6) who all struggle with maternal rage and who want to be calm, patient and compassionate humans who enjoy their life and time with the kids and make their kids feel loved and nurtured.