I am loving hiding right now in my study writing this email and actually wondering why I’m not seeking more sanctuary up here. This actually feels more like a holiday I think than packing to go camping.
Honestly, summer 2021 was not as I intended.
I was meant to be going to my village, Picinisco, in the heart of Italy with my friends and family.
Here’s what I intended my summer to be:
Mornings drinking coffees, afternoon siesta and Aperol Spritz for €2.50 at 6pm with my pals in the piazza watching the sunset.
Here’s what the reality has been:
Cleaning up poo and piss from the floor 30 times a day from a toddler and a new puppy (very cute – toddler also cute).
It’s made me feel sad, angry and at times that life isn’t fair.
After a fairly epic meltdown one day (way too much wee and poo), I caught myself and realised my thoughts were taking over and it was my responsibility to sort it out.
It wasn’t the situation I was in, it was my perception of the situation – that I had no control and I was a victim to this.
As soon as I caught this insight, I took my refunded holiday flights and booked me and the big three kids away and left my husband at home with the toddler and the puppy.
I can’t tell you what a shift this has been for me.
When I had my kids years ago the anxiety would have taken over about what I ‘should be’ doing and how wrong and selfish it was to leave my husband and all the 5 million dreadful things that could go wrong.
It demonstrated so clearly how my whole mindset has changed and which part of my brain is leading the show.
I felt free, autonomous and calm.
I came back refreshed, fulfilled, rested and was much more able to handle things at home how I wanted to.
I realise anxiety has literally ruled almost 40 years of my life. It is so liberating to be able to manage my thoughts and actions aligned with what’s important.
Maybe there are some shining stars in not being able to go to Italy… this opportunity to explore myself and test the work I’ve been doing on myself the last few years. And a pretty epic trip to London and hopefully successful first camping trip.
I’d love to know – do you have a shining star from a situation that didn’t go as you expected?
Much love, Tricia xxx
