I went to an awesome supervision session last night and my supervisor was talking about the scales.
You may seek safety in your life – whether health, wealth, family, friendship, security.
You may seek freedom and to experience everything in life without a care in the world.
The more you tip in one direction, the more the other direction is out of your grasp.
You may have heard me say this before, but I’ll say it again.
Anxiety tries to EXTEND your life by CURTAILING your life and keeps you living small.
Here’s some illustrations:
You’re unhappy in your job. Safety lens – stops you from applying for new jobs in case you fail, your next job is worse, you’ll fluff up the interview, you’ll have too much pressure etc. Freedom lens – get new job and trusts all will work out.
You want to wear the bikini to the beach. Safety lens – what if someone judges you. Freedom lens – who gives a fuck.
Becoming ill. Safety lens – obsesses about health, takes complete control of your life, hours lost to google/researching, controls everything you eat/drink or action. Freedom lens – lives every single moment of your life to the full.
Your friends don’t feel like ‘friends’. Safety lens – continues to see friends, scared you’ll be left alone and won’t have any friends, but continues to feel lonely even when surrounded by these friends. Freedom lens – identifies opportunities to meet new people and goes for it.
You’re overwhelmed and stressed about life. Safety lens – continues life without making changes, scared of the repercussions or the judgement. Freedom lens – places boundaries, time blocks, says no, reduces load, makes time for fun, invests in support and/or coaching.
You’d like to start a new business. Safety lens – what if it fails, what if someone judges you, always thinking up new business ideas, never tries them. Freedom lens – goes for it, invests in a coach to increase chances it would work and trusts there’s always a great plan B.
You’d like to experience something new – skinny dipping, online dating, sky diving, helicopter across the Grand Canyon. Safety lens – what if something happens to me – can’t do it. Freedom lens – life is for living and experiencing.
Your house is a tip. Safety lens – keeps house in total order all the time in case someone visits and you’re in fear of their judgement. Freedom lens – who gives a shit.
You’re not happy in your relationship, but you’re financially trapped. Safety lens – I need to stay here for the kids. Freedom lens – whatever happens I’ll be ok and I can make it work.
… I could go on… you get the picture.
Now the truth is – life isn’t quite as black and white as this.
It’s not all or nothing.
Often there’s a bit in the middle – it’s like a spectrum of grey. It’s scales. They tip and balance.
With anxiety, however, you end up unbalanced towards safety – to a massive detriment to your LIFE, WELLBEING and SELF-ESTEEM.
And that’s the issue.
You lie awake at night NOT TRUSTING that life evolves and revolves and that you can’t control the future.
What would happen if you could TRUST that whatever happened in life you had the resilience and mindset to cope and thrive – even in times of adversity.
I can never reassure anyone that everything will be ok – that all is well 100% of the time – what kind of bullshit is that anyhow. Look what’s been going on in the world over the last 3 years.
I can help you to believe that you can cope with whatever life throws at you.
How amazing would that feel if you had that belief?
Much love, Tricia xxx