Hope you’re well and staying warm.
I want to share some thoughts on what stops people from changing.
We live in times where we have access to so much free or low cost information.
You can literally teach yourself ANYTHING between youtube, podcasts, books, online resources, webinars, blogs and so much more.
Want to build a business? Crochet a blanket? Know how to invest to become a millionaire? Swim under ice? Become free from the impact of anxiety? Heal trauma?
You can literally teach yourself to do any of these things.
Yet you don’t. You may hear/see/try things, but you don’t implement them enough to create change.
Meaning you stay stuck. And most of you on this email list – you stay stuck stressed, anxious and overwhelmed.
Here’s what could be stopping you.
1. Believing it’s normal
You believe it’s normal to feel this way, to live like this, that there’s no other way it can be.
Such as – you believe it’s normal to be anxious in social situations, freeze when public speaking, feel overwhelmed by mess and chaos, feel stressed by to do lists and deadlines.
Yet there’s nothing here that should be eliciting those responses in your body.
Those responses are created to help you survive from potential death – not everyday situations you are faced with in life.
Maybe it’s become normal for you, for parts of you, to react that way. But it’s not normal or healthy or something you should put up with. Even if your friends and family feel that way too.
Changing that response is life changing.
2. Not believing it can be different
You believe that there’s no other way it can be – you don’t believe that maybe it’s easy to manage a busy life with kids or being self employed or that you can embrace chaos and imperfection or that you can get a senior job at work or earn a good income being self employed.
This is your beliefs telling you this. This isn’t true. It can be different and amazing.
These last few weeks my clients have been actually enjoying time with their kids, asking their partners to help them with no guilt, outsourcing things such as cleaning/laundry, doing less, resting, reading books, implementing boundaries, trying new activities and hobbies, having the confidence to get new jobs, joined the gym and so much more – all in all improving the quality of their life and happiness AND their families lives. Imagine what a difference this could make to the world if we all did the same.
3. Secondary gain
There’s a benefit to you staying stuck – it gets you attention, people feel sorry for you, allows you to control others, it gets you out of things, it provides re-assurance or an excuse.
Recently with a client who had health anxiety – she realised having the excuse of having something to be anxious about meant that she could then stop focussing in on her business – it gave her a reason why she couldn’t be successful if she could tell everyone she was worried about something else.
This is a real common theme to staying stuck – the gain that happens for staying this way. Know none of this is conscious. This is all handled by the subconscious in a protective way – such as ‘I’m scared of failure so I’m going to give myself an excuse so I don’t ‘fail’ – there will be a reason instead’. Clever – huh!
4. Not worth it
You don’t believe you’re worth it or deserving or good enough or something else, meaning you don’t invest time, energy and financially in yourself.
That means you prioritise everything else – your work, chores, kids, those people on social media who are desperate for your help even though you never met them – everything else over… YOU.
It means you don’t focus, don’t create discipline and don’t schedule in the time to do the things that really help you.
I cannot tell you how many times people will say I can’t afford to get help, but then they put in a new bathroom, buy a new phone, go get their nails done, get take aways, fritter money on amazon or some other expense.
What you are actually saying is – I am not worth it, but everything else is. Because it’s ACCEPTABLE to buy things for your home, conform with what you’re wearing etc. It’s not accepted socially to be getting therapy or coaching or a housekeeper…
It would literally change the world if we all felt worthy, deserving and good enough.
This stress or anxiety feels familiar and safe. It’s well known now that people that grow up with stress then create stress as adults because this is what’s familiar. You might often start to create stress as those stress hormones are addictive and familiar. Life feels a bit weird when you’re not stressed – in fact, that can make you anxious when you have nothing to stress about so you start to create something else to stress about.
This was a huge shift for a client recently who realised she kept bringing stress into her life because she had always lived with stress and chaos. Having this insight meant that she could create change and realise it was safe and ok to be bored, calm and for things to be settled.
6. Scared of what might happen
The subconscious will often keep you stuck in safety because it’s scared what might happen if you create change. Such as – imagine you create healthy and good boundaries and start saying no to your partner or mum or sister or boss and then they reject you in some way. Or imagine having the confidence to stand up for yourself in your relationship or workplace? What might the reaction be? Or what about if you decide to change job, career, relationship, friendship… Uncertainty is so hard for the brain.
Change is scary, but staying stuck for a lifetime feeling like shit… well… I know which one I’d choose.
7. Scared of what might come up
Many of my clients come to me with this fear – you don’t want to go dredging up the past, especially where there’s been a lot of trauma or things you are ashamed about or don’t want to face up to.
I don’t believe going round and round with the past is always helpful. I do believe getting clear on the root of beliefs or anxieties is releasing and helpful and life changing – like a big burden is lifted.
This happens most weeks in my client sessions – a client might not want sessions to focus on something in childhood yet sessions take us directly there – not with my pushing us to talk about it (in fact sometimes the opposite, as I’m getting used to working with a client), but by where their bodies take us and each time my clients will say it feels like a physical weight has been lifted from their bodies.
I’d love to know which of these resonated the most with you?
If you’re feeling stressed, overwhelmed and anxious and are fed up of feeling stuck and helpless and would like support to overcome these obstacles then drop me a message to find out more about my 90 Day Thrive Programme. I have space for 3 new clients to start in November. This may be especially helpful for anyone who is already stressing about Christmas, winter or anything else around this time. Click the button below to get in touch and find out more.
Much love, Tricia xxx