At the group coaching on Monday night for Motherhood Unloaded, one of the things that came up is – how do you stop sweating the small stuff.
The example was – ‘like when my partner doesn’t de-crumple the washing before hanging it, wash the glasses properly, or put vanish on the stains before putting the clothes in the wash’.
And everyone got this.
When it feels like if you don’t do this yourself it never gets done properly – the inner rage appears.
I’ve heard this so many times over the years.
- My husband doesn’t take the stuff to the garage.
- My kids don’t take their stuff up the stairs.
- Or my own one – does no one else know what to do with the fucking empty toilet rolls….
You get this. I get this. Everyone gets it.
So how do you stop the inner rage appearing?
Here’s some ideas.
- Notice what’s going on with you – pausing, catching the thought, stopping, breathing – something to help you notice. This is a practice – it doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time to master this skill. If you manage it even once a day – pat yourself on the back!
- Acknowledge the ‘pain’ – the feeling that’s coming up – this is pain. There’s always a fear at the back of it. Such as – if there’s mess in the hall – I’m scared I’ll be judged, it feels like a threat to my sensory system, I feel like I’m bad for having mess, that I’m a failure or something else.
- Be the wise adult part of you and connect with the young part of you that’s feeling this pain and validate it’s feelings – I can understand that you’re scared of judgement, that it feels like a threat, that you feel shame or guilt for mess, that you feel you’re failing – I want you to know it’s ok to have these feeling and this will pass (think what would you say to a friend)
- My favourite question – will I give a shit about this… next week, next month, next year or when I’m 80 – 99.9% of the time the answer will be no.
- Get help to work on the underlying beliefs – this is something I can help with through Belief Coding or in my 90 day programme.
- Have more fun in your life. If you have gone for a swim and sauna (especially the sauna) or for a sea swim or a coffee and laugh with friends and you come in all chilled out – will you still give a shit about the mess in the hall?
- Take radical responsibility – as well as fun – are you properly looking after yourself? Eating and drinking well? Reducing/eliminating caffeine, alcohol, sugar? 8 hours of sleep or maximising sleep? Reading books? Watching good stuff on TV? Taking breaks from your phone? Exercising?
Found this helpfu? Let me know or forward it onto a friend!
Much love, Tricia xxx