Everything does indeed pass.
I’m finally getting a chance to reflect on the chaos that has been 2023 so far.
Some of you may or may not know our story.
We have recently moved house.
It was the first time we’d moved in almost 13 years.
The house sale fell through twice. These are crazy times in the house moving world.
Putting our really beautiful home on the market felt like a gut wrenching and awful thing to do.
It was never on our agenda. We loved our home.
But the truth was due to both of us working at home due to lockdown and having an additional child post extension, we had outgrown it. And some other stuff that selling our house was the right thing to do.
10 years ago – the stress we’ve been under this last year would have cracked.
I’ve lived with anxiety my WHOLE life. My whole life I’ve been reactive, up and down like a yoyo.
I cannot believe that I have got through this whole year and barely fallen out with my husband, I’ve hardly shouted at the kids and I think I’ve cried twice. I did lose a bit of sleep the week we were exchanging… however, I’ve been so so so calm throughout. Not shut down. Calm.
If this had been me years ago I would have gone between mega anxiety, shouting at everyone, storming around and then total and utter exhaustion and stuck in bed for long periods of time in some sort of dissociative state.
I’m writing this two weeks after we’ve exchanged and I feel only a sense of being grounded, excited, settled, huge gratitude and this sense of total peace and optimism.
I know this hasn’t just happened because I wished it. Or I’ve been lucky. Or it just happened.
This has happened because I have chosen to invest in myself, to do the work, to work on the stuff I’ve hated and has been uncomfortable, to face up to my behaviour and things I am not proud of, to learn, to try things out, to make mistakes and get stuff wrong, to change habits, to spend time reflecting and to refine and improve things until I’ve got things right.
And that’s the thing. Often people WISH things to be better. Wishing might include waking up and promising to yourself you’ll journal or meditate, you’ll listen to some podcasts or read books, or join a class or programme, but then don’t go all in.
I know, if from every podcast or book or blog you consumed – you made one change from what you learned – things would improve, but most people don’t do that, you stay stuck in old patterns and behaviour because it’s hard work. It’s not easy.
Much love, Tricia xxx