Fear can be valid

There are literally millions of people world-wide living in real and valid fear.  Fear for their lives through war, famine, natural disasters, domestic violence and absolute poverty.  And others who are currently undergoing treatment for REAL medical conditions, losing or have lost loved ones or being made redundant.  And there’s other times that fear is a very valid response to an insane and difficult situation.  

It would be so very wrong to ever tell someone in a situation like that that their fear wasn’t valid.  That fear is valid. It’s a protection mechanism to keep them alert and alive and everyone around them safe.   

Yet, most of the people that come to get help from me who live in fear – your fear isn’t valid.  It’s an unhelpful response (ie maladaptive) to the situation you’re faced with. You don’t need it. It serves no purpose.  And it impacts your health, wealth and relationships.  Especially at Christmas time.  Especially for women.  

Here’s some examples through a fear and a freedom lens.

Trying to get everything done and do everything

Fear: If I make a mistake or don’t get things perfect – something bad will happen

Freedom: Everything always works out and everyone will be ok – I choose where I focus my time and energy and prioritise well

Volunteering or overcommitting yourself

Fear: I’ll be judged if I don’t help or get involved, even if it’s a cost to myself

Freedom: I can choose when I want to help if I have time and energy and it feels good

Put weight on/lost a lot of weight/other physical change

Fear: What will everyone think of me

Freedom: Don’t give a shit

Have something important to say 

Fear: scared to raise your voice and then afterwards replaying all the things you could have said 

Freedom: uses voice to articulate clearly the thing you need to say 

Make Christmas the most magical time of the year

Fear: Buy and do everything – even if you don’t have the money or time or energy and end up losing your shit and feeling unappreciated

Freedom: I choose who I want to buy presents, I make it as easy as possible and I focus on ease and simplicity and doing what’s important to me as I know when I’m feeling GOOD it becomes magical 

Feeling resentful because you have the job to buy everyone gifts (Christmas, birthdays, special occasions)

Fear: I need to take on this responsibility and get it all right otherwise xxxxx will be upset

Freedom: Speak to partner, split lists – don’t swoop in – they are adults and perfectly capable, without a vagina, to buy gifts and know it’s ok if it’s not right after all no one is going to die if it’s not perfect 

Applying for a job

Fear: I’m not good enough, I’ll never get it and I’m not sure I want it anyhow so won’t bother applying

Freedom: I’ll apply and see what happens and make a choice when needed

Lack of money

Fear: I need to cut back and save but don’t want to upset Jo because I can’t go to her night out, the kids because I can’t get them xyz

Freedom: I budget, set boundaries and accept this situation and can still live life fully within my means.  I have full autonomy to create opportunities to make more money (applying for a better job, increasing hours at work, doing a side job or selling stuff) – I can make it happen.

Weird funny bruise on my skin

Fear: I’m going to die, panic, googling for an entire night and urgent gp appt

Freedom: I’ll check again later and then book in for an appt if needed, but until I know any different will carry on as normal

(I do not condone not going to see the GP when there’s something important to see the GP about, and seriously advocating for yourself, what I’m illustrating here is irrational reactions to very normal things)

The impact of living under a fear lens is constant overreaction, irrational behaviour and not living life fully.

The impact of living under a freedom lens is calm and rational behaviour, feeling confident in yourself and much happier.   

If you had to choose living your life through a fear lens or living it through a freedom lens – which would you choose?

I’m running Fear to Freedom again. It starts on the 27th of November. It’s two weeks working closely together. There’s replays if you can’t make the sessions. It’s £37. It’s a challenge as in I teach you something, set you simple tasks (and I mean simple- like a 2 minute visualisation when you wake), you do the work and take the action and by the end of the two weeks you feel the change.

Any questions, please ask.

Much love, Tricia xxxx

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