I was out walking with a friend on Friday. We were talking about how some people pretend that they don’t know or don’t see you yet you know they have. We’ve all done it and had it done to us. Right?
I said to her – I know when someone walks past me… that I know… and they purposely ignore me… that what’s happening (mostly) is their defences are up.
These ‘defences’ I often call protectors.
Those protectors are there to do just that – protect you from pain. Often, not always, in an unhelpful way.
Yet often in the way they protect you, actually causes more pain/hassle/stress.
It’s what call maladaptive coping mechanisms. You’ll recognise them in when you react to a situation in a very childish way (such as walking past someone you know – it’s not really an adult reaction to a situation).
Here’s some illustrations:
- Losing your shit with the kids = pain because of the fear that everything feels out of control and unmanageable
- Ignoring your partner = pain because of the fear of rejection if you have a difficult conversation so therefore ignoring is your way to control the situation by exerting your power over a situation so they walk on eggshells around you
- Bitching about someone = pain because you’re fearful of rejection so you do everything possible to gain your own ‘tribe’ just in case you’re rejected in some way
- Overthinking or overplanning or catastrophising a situation = pain of the fear of potential repercussions if you get something wrong
- Always having something to do = pain of fear from being judged for being lazy
Now these are fairly general statements. Most of you are probably much more complex, but you’ll probably recognise exactly what I mean.
These underlying fears is often what controls so much of your life. They’re embedded in the subconscious.
Fear stops you from being happy, confident, calm.
My passion is helping you to really understand what’s happening internally and to learn how to create change.
If you would like one to one support, here are your options: Belief Coding (book directly from this link) or the Emergence Programme if you’re looking for complete transformation. I have one space left for February and one for March.
Much love, Tricia xxx