What does confidence really look like?

Confession time.

One of the pieces of work I often do is a future you visualisation. It’s part of solutions focussed brief therapy is embodying the you that you want to be.

Something in the last week shifted when I saw someone else talking about it and I realised that maybe the way we teach this technique is wrong.  

Because what if everything we believe about confidence is WRONG or FAKE? And ESPECIALLY for women.

The future you works by imagining the you that you want to be. Some parts are helpful. Some parts I’m recognising aren’t.

Let me illustrate it.

Imagine someone who is confident. Take a minute and bring them into mind.

You might see them as gregarious, well dressed, sparkly face, lots of friends, has a loud and clear voice, exuding charm and charisma. Or possibly someone who is shouty, opinionated, over shares or ‘driven’.  

But what if this isn’t actually confidence, but masking as someone who ‘looks’ to be confident? 

Over the years I’ve met so many fierce women who are DEEPLY confident, but they aren’t glitzy and glam or shouty.  

I can remember one woman years ago when I was working as a doula.

She was total serenity, calm, strong values, assertive, but in a loving and kind way, held space yet had clear boundaries, used her voice to speak up about women’s rights (at the time was working with refugees coming to Glasgow and supporting them with their births and experiences here as families). She was vocal, but in a steady, calm and wise way.

You see – I believe that is TRUE confidence. It’s the steadiness, the calmness, the wiseness, the serenity, the values.

And underneath it comes true self love, self trust, self belief, self worth, and self compassion.

Confidence isn’t about the glitzy or the glam or the shouty… it’s an INSIDE job. It’s changing your beliefs, thinking, mindset, perception.

If you’d like to join a team of other women working on this, join my new programme BeYou, which starts next week. It’s Thursday lunchtimes, 1pm-2pm, a weekly audio file to listen to and a whole host of things to help you.  It’s £99 for the pilot.  

This is ESPECIALLY if you can recognise yourself as an introvert/highly sensitive person/mask as an extrovert.

Get in touch and I’ll send you the info.  

Much love, Tricia xxxx

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