What I've learned is anxiety is my super hero. When I learned this everything shifted and changed. It comes to protect me in times of uncertainty, when things feel scary or when there's something I can't figure out. This is what I coach and what I teach is how to quickly and easily manage the symptoms of anxiety so they do not impact you in any way, shape or form.
You are not anxious... it's a part of you that's anxious... it's a tactic a part of you is using as a way to push you into meeting a need in you - often approval from yourself/others/acceptance/making you perfect/stopping you from failing.
I got off the phone I realised exactly what was going on as I recognised this was an anxious feeling. I knew what I was doing was AVOIDING the situation. AVOIDANCE is the number one tactic people who experience anxiety use when there are situations that make them panic. The issue with avoidance is that there’s only so long you can avoid a situation before you have to face it.
Anxiety can make you believe that if all these terrible things happen, you won’t be able to cope or manage. One of the approaches we’ve been using in my Finding Freedom programme is an evidence based approach to increase the estimation of your ability to manage (anxiety encourages you to underestimate your ability to cope).
My clients will often talk about this anxiety and rage that overwhelms them. Almost like a wild animal in them that they have no control over. It’s not a conscious decision to let this wild animal within them unleash. It comes from something in their situation feeling threatening.
I know my kids want their funny, loving, kind mum back... I want her back too. I miss her. The last few weeks and year has really taken it's toll on all of us. What's your plan for your own recovery?
There’s one more thing that impacts ALL of things when it comes to maternal rage and is universal to all mums. It's the permission you give yourself.
The work I did with my own therapist made me realise that my Banshee arrived when I felt helpless to manage the situation, overwhelmed and fundamentally was in ‘emotional pain’. It wasn't because I was a 'bad mum'.