| Tricia Murray

I was in a position that nothing was feeling “right”, but I couldn’t pin down what was “wrong” – I’d felt really strong and positive after my daughter’s birth, the feeding issues we’d had in the early days had all been overcome, and she was absolutely thriving. But I was getting anxiety and panic attacks, triggered by conversations with nursery, news articles involving babies I came across through work, even a Disney film on one occasion!

 

I’d never considered what I went through to be traumatic – I thought ‘trauma’ was reserved for huge, one-off, negative experiences. I’d definitely fallen into the trap of comparison, and thought that because my experience wasn’t as bad as someone else’s, asking for help was taking that help away from someone else. Tricia helped me understand that any emotion felt so intensely over a long period of time is also a form of trauma, and that what I was feeling was valid, and deserving of help.

 

Working on healing my breastfeeding trauma has had an enormous impact. My husband noticed a difference almost instantly. I could talk about the mechanics of feeding, newborn babies, my tiny Hannah, without my heart rate shooting up and tears filling my eyes. I interact differently with her, I stay calmer when I’m with her when she’s upset, and I don’t obsess over every bite of food she takes and every minute of sleep she gets. I’m so much more trusting of her independence, which has allowed her to settle in at nursery and me to feel confident coming back to work and actually feeling capable in my career.

 

The most amazing outcome, which was completely unexpected, was the wave of memories that were unlocked in the weeks after we’d finished our work. Moments from the first four months of my daughter’s life reappeared in my memory that I never knew I’d shut out. It was wonderful!